Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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