Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
