After last night, I could never be a politician.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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