i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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