The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
