On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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