if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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