well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
