I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
