I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
