If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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