I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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