My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
