So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
