Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
