Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
