soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
