I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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