stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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