Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
