Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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