I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
