Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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