Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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