Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
