So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
