omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
