yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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