He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
