Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
