DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
false alarm, still single
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
