The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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