If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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