your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize