I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
