hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
