It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
