I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I will pee on everything he values.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
