Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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