fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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