I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
