i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
