aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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