Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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