My friends, they love my intelligence
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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