remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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