So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize