I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My ass is underappreciated
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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