IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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