He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize