my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
