yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
