Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
