i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
