It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
