Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize