I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She told me I should be a condom model.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
