My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
