I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
