I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
