I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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