why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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