i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
