Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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