the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
