I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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