Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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