There was a lot of him and a little penis
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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