Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
