a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
