I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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