I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
