I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
