She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
