lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
