At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
