I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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