i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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