yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
