I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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