look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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