HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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