The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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