And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
