The police scanner is talking about you again....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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