he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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