I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
