For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
