If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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