woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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