you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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