I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
