Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
