eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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