Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
