I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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