If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize