Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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