Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
