The maid of honor just puked.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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