Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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