i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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