Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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