Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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