hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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