Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
