there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize