Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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