I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
