Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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