If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
