I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize