the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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