theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
