we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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